I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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