WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
