so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize