Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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