I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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