You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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