Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
