I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
