So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
