He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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