You're my little dorito
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
