After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
