What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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