I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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