i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize