haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
