peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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