I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
