Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
