Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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