I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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