Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
