Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
