true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
