when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize