My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize