I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
