somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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