Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
