Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
50% drunk capacity currently
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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