He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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