Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She even gives head with a lisp.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
