Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
