Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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