i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm jealous of your bromance
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
