just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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