Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
