Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
