i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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