I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
