it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
