he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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