I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
