im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
