How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
