Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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