2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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