The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
