My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
