You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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