We named our party play list daddy issues
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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