I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
