The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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