eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
