the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize