soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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