just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
