I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
