I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
