You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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