So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it glows. i had to have it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
