as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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