guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
