I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
