That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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