im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
