It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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