non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
