So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
