Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
