Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
